Turning Point

journal page – 12/19/07
Here in New England, the Winter Solstice will arrive on December 22 at 1:08 A.M., marking both the shortest day and the longest night in the Northern Hemisphere. Although I try to resist the dread I feel with the approach of winter, my mood constricts a bit each day as the hours of light diminish. The cold and the dark communicate to me on some primal level, making me want to curl up around myself, much like a fox in its den protected by the blanket of its tail. I have read that statistically, artists in colder climates tend to be more prolific than those in the warmer zones, but it doesn’t seem to work that way for me. I have been stalled for weeks now… and it’s been breaking my heart.

Last night, almost as an act of desperation, I went into my studio with no objective other than wanting to get my hands dirty. I ripped paper, collaged strips into my journal, painted as the shapes spoke to me, scribbled over the paint, and ended up with a new idea for a large painting.

So why do I wait for “inspiration,” when clearly it’s taking action that allows my creativity to come out of its hiberantion? I don’t know the answer, but I do know that I’m feeling a whole lot better now…and soon the days will start to get longer.

It’s been a long time comin’
It’s goin’ to be a long time gone.
But you know,
The darkest hour is always
Always just before the dawn.
And it appears to be a long, appears to be a long,
Appears to be a long
Time before the dawn.

– David Crosby (1941 – )